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Because in broker-ese, your “cozy,” apartment will be the size of a mailbox, and “charmingly” unrenovated. Further warnings: “Garden Apartment” means it’s on the ground floor, garden or not. A studio with a wall up becomes a “two-bedroom,” and as long as you can’t see the kitchen sink from everywhere, a studio sans wall qualifies as a “junior one.” People are getting more savvy to it–the term “triple mint” has even spawned a blog—but the lexicon brokers use to move less—than-lavish real estate continues to grow.

For the boundary-sensitive, the northern reaches of the Lower East Side has long been the East Village, but this particular game snowballed toward the ridiculous as property values climbed. At some point the less-savory-sounding Hell’s Kitchen became Clinton—though a recent listing moved it into the West Village. All reaches of the Neighborhood Formerly Known as Harlem do business as the Upper East or West side. On the extreme end, pretty much everything south of 42nd street on the east side has found itself in the East Village.

If you’re hunting in Brooklyn you’d better brush up on your geography, because Bushwick is now East Williamsburg and fast becoming Prime Williamsburg. Suspending even more belief, Bed-Stuy is Prime Williamsburg and Brownsville is Bed-Stuy. A condo in Greenwood Heights is in Park Slope, as are Windsor Terrace, Grand Army Plaza, Sunset Park, and basically half of Brooklyn at one time or another. Crown Heights, Bed-Stuy (which really gets around these days) and Prospect-Lefferts are Prospect Heights or, as they say in the theater, “off the park.”

In the annoying neighborhood acronyms department, TriBeCa was among the first, then the still-grating-after-all-these-years NoLita (for North of Little Italy in downtown Manhattan). Noho followed, and more recently Loho. Residents have gotten used to SoBro which makes an attempt at tongue-in-cheek while making the South Bronx sound cute. And, of course, there’s SpaHa (see Formerly Known as Harlem, Spanish.). The Block is hot. And one wonders when East Village-dwellers will wake to discover that they live in West Williamsburg.